FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
