And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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