Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
