some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
