last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am available for nakedness
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
