I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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