toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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