Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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