I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I have post one night stand depression
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
