i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
