we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
