My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
