but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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