Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
