a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the day after is always just damage control
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
