I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
