Non-Jews are for practice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
