It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
