I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
