If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
