dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
