wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
