she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
