god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
