I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
