I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
