Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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