Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if only i could text you this smell
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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