we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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