This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
