He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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