i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
