Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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