we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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