So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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