all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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