it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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