i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
