There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
