I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
