One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
