the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
