Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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