I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
