3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
