ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
