then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
