I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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