pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Come on in and take your pants off
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