I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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