I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You ruined the universe
Randomize
