yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
