one might say we're banned from that church
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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