I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
